March 14, 2012

can't sleep, clowns will eat me

I'm getting old. I say this not because my birthday is tomorrow (which it is. Pi day. I know you're jealous), but because of other things. Because I don't await my next dvd purchase with bated breath. I'd rather save my money towards a three day trip to the next state with my husband. I talk about things like life insurance and taxes. I get excited about changing my name at the bank.

I worry about my Mom and Dad. It's difficult to find the balance between the new family that T and I are creating and my family of origin. I don't want to leave them behind. I worry about them. I'm terrified of losing them someday. I know I don't call me Mom nearly as much as I used to. Where do they fit into all this? It was beautiful today to sit outside with my Mom, picking at my sandwich and talking about marriage and respect and identity and femininity. She can be so smart when she puts her mind to it. That was a flicker of the old her, before a drunk driver and diabetes and an arrogant father took her strength away. Maybe I'll see more of that soon. I think it's also a result of the spiritual renaissance I've been experiencing. She and my Dad have been getting closer and closer. I gave her my copy of "Love and Respect" to read. Perhaps through my faithfulness and the testimony of my marriage, we can help bring my Dad back to the fold.

I miss my friends dearly, lately. However, I am thankful for facebook and online messaging and texting. I defy anyone who says that technology has damaged our relationships. Anna is going to GP to be a GP. I'm insanely proud of her, not just for her assignment, but for taking on the difficult task of explaining her desire for it to her parents. And honored that she wants to hang out with me (in person!) in 2015. I don't want five years to go by between seeing one another again. I need someone to go on adventures with, and she's the girl for the job. Lyss will be getting her black belt next weekend, and I plan on being there. I want to encourage her like my grandparents always encouraged me at my dance recitals. If I have any say in it, she'll be the happiest, most confident 12  year old on the planet. I will see Ari Friday night at the salsa club. We have both been busy as of late, but my anniversary card to her made her laugh, and that made me smile. I am texting Cassie, who is in Korea now. I do need to call Garrard.

Kazu is a kitty. As of late, he has been more directly playful with T and I. He will occasionally run up behind me and grab my legs gently, thereby initiating a game of tag. I make silly noises, and run around corners and gently grab or tap him while we chase each other. Sometimes I hide behind things and wait for him to pounce me. Sometimes I get down on my hands and knees and crawl around. It is fun, and he is ever so gentle. When he does get too excited, he heeds my admonitions quickly.

Spycraft Roleplaying Game (1 st edition) coverImage via Wikipedia
We rearranged the furniture Saturday, in between a Spycraft session and a Doctor Who marathon. (3 episodes counts as a marathon, right?) The long suffering Nick and TM helped us out. T deserves special credit, since it was also his birthday. Of course, we did bribe him with thin mint cake and a party hat, which he insisted on wearing like a unicorn. Anyway, I'm happy with the end result. We've managed to make a large space look like three different rooms, while still maintaining a sense of space and not making the tv the focal point of the room.

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