December 08, 2011

Doing life

Kitty with AIDs
Image by Tjflex2 via Flickr
I'm still living out of a suitcase. It's an odd sort of limbo, but it's worth having someone to make me lunch and welcome me home at night. Oh geez, I AM the dude in this relationship, aren't I? Regardless, we have a home. Kitty makes three. We are just making it look as wonderful in appearance as it is in essence. And cooking. We need to cook something. He cooks more than me too. I keep telling him to stop, but I don't think he can.

Speaking of kitty, he seems to be settled in perfectly fine. He is content and happy and gleefully greets me when I come home. However, he seems to enjoy chilling with Daddy. He has not been exceptionally bad or clingy. He doesn't even seem to care that we haven't moved in various things, such as his shower shelf. To clarify, this is a multiple shelf thing I had in the bathroom (and have every intention of moving into this bathroom) that had a shelf that was perfectly eye-level with me when he laid in it. He would lay there on a special towel while I showered and occasionally pull the shower curtain aside to make sure I had not drowned. Yes, this is my cat.

I miss my friends. I have barely seen anyone since I got back, except for Ari, briefly, to borrow a movie for the kids at work. She and her husband are wonderful neighbors, and it is comforting to have them near. But I want the time for someone to play with my hair while I lay my head on the table and whine and moan about my life. We have seen Nick as well. We watched Doctor Who and he adorably and excitedly asked us a million times if we had gotten the wedding present he sent us yet. I worry about Lyss, who has lost her Grandpa recently at the tender age of 12. I was 18 when I lost mine. How much difference does 6 years make? What can I even say to her?

I miss my Mom. And my Dad, for that matter. He has been incredible throughout this whole wedding business. It is a pleasant surprise. I hope that Tony and I 's marriage might reflect Christ to him. He seems to understand more what is important to me now. He seems less cynical and jaded, more open to possibilities. I want him to have life and have it to the full.

The man has a new job. He's really excited and I know it's closer to what he wants to do. It's also a bit more money, which I'll admit is nice. It frees me up to have more options as far as what I want to do for a living. But I live in fear of becoming a gold digger or a trophy wife. The need to make a living is a hindrance to me. Ever since I discovered life outside of a report card it's been difficult for me to focus on boring, impersonal things like career advancement. I want to sew and cook and decorate and train my cat. Okay, so maybe I am more stereotypically female than I thought. (I also want to join roller derby, but that's another story.

T and I are already talking about more travel. I'll make a world citizen of him yet! We actually make quite a good team, and I loved being able to solve problems and explore the city together on our honeymoon. A million times better than laying around on some beach.
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November 26, 2011

The View from 111: Hard Hitting Journalism or Hit Piece?

The View from 111: Hard Hitting Journalism or Hit Piece?: News Channel 5 investigative reporter Phil Williams has supposedly "unearthed" some shocking information about the Nashville Predators and t...

October 30, 2011

September 16, 2011

Comfortable Nattering

Davis Middle School TrackImage by Marjorie Lipan via Flickr
I get to see my little friend Bri tomorrow. I haven't seen her in at least four months. She's started middle school since then. I bet she's grown so much! I know she's going to be taller than me one day. I can't wait to hear how she is enjoying middle school. She's a smart girl and I know she going to do awesome. We'll be working on invitations for my upcoming wedding, in which she will be a junior bridesmaid.

I lost a kitty on Monday. His name was Jeffrey. I'm still uncomfortable using the past tense when talking about him. He deserves his own post in memoriam and I will do that as soon as I feel able. I miss him. I still look for him everytime I walk out the door. He's at the firetower now, as he deserves. My Mom and Dad were kind enough to take care of that for me.

I keep trying to clean and straighten my apartment. I've made some progress, but I still think that by the time I get it how I want will be time to start moving everything into the fiance's apartment. I'll start doing that around the first of October, a box at a time. We've worked out most of the major furniture issues. (I get to keep my 20-year old couch! Whee!) I don't think it will be too much of an adjustment...But yeah, I have been doing better with keeping my kitchen and bathroom clean. Also the living room. Really, everyplace but my bedroom, which becomes a dumping zone because no one (including me) goes in there. It's really just a big closet. My brothers (and sisters), this should not be.

Also, I painted my fingernails purple today. Yay depth!

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July 26, 2011

establishing post

Hi. I'm D. I'm engaged to an engineer. I call my Granny once a month. I like watching stand-up comedy. I love my kitty.

This is me and my engineer. I'm the one who's not a dude. I was gonna be all anonymous and shite on this blog, but I'm really just too lazy.

1. I wear Bond Girl perfume from Avon sometimes.
2. I'm 25.
3. I want to be a counselor of some sort. 
4. I like to sing, but I'm unsure if I actually have any talent or not.
5. I MUST have my feet covered in order to sleep.
6. I haven't slept in my bedroom in months.
7. Bacon is pretty much the only thing keeping me from becoming a vegetarian.
8. My eyes are green, even though everyone thinks they're blue. Including my fiance, for a full year.
9. My first concert was John Michael Montgomery. Oh yeah.
10. I took a year of German in college.
11. I really want to get my cartilage pierced.
12. I used to have a HUGE phobia of storms.
13. I loathe bananas.
14. I refuse to wear heels higher than 2 inches.
15. I'm a terrible housekeeper.
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July 18, 2011

Mary Sue?

Tiffany performing at Gulfstream Park in 2003.Image via Wikipedia
Character's Name

-Is the character's name your own, your nickname, your screenname, or a slight variant- for example, Kelli instead of Kelly? (10 points) No

-Is the character's name a noun or verb not often used by other people in your world for that function? (4 points) No

-Is the character's name completely inappropriate to the setting, such as a Japanese name in a world with no other trace of Japanese language or culture? (5 points) No

-Is the character's main name a pseudonym? (2 points) No
...that she chose as a reminder of her past? (Add 2).
...that is more "profound" or "cool" than her original name? (Add 1).
...that anyone with half a brain could use to connect the character with her original name, such as "Emilia" instead of "Emily?" (Add 4 points).

-Is the character named after a famous hero of the world or an animal? (2 points) No
...And she has a mystical connection with that hero or that animal? (Add 4).

-Is the character's name a modern one in a medieval setting, such as Tiffany or Brittany? (3 points) No

Character's Appearance

-Does the character have an eye color that is unusual/rare among her people or species? (1 point) Um. Kind of. They're blue. 1 point.
...that is unique among her people/species? (2 points).
...that is nonexistent in nature? (Silver eyes with blue lightning bolts, etc.) (4 points)

-Do the character's eyes get described more often than anyone else's? (2 points) No.
...long after the reader should know what she looks like? (3 points) Maybe. 4 points.
...with many adjectives that are close variations of each other? (Blue eyes that are also called azure, cerulean, 'like a summer sky,' cobalt, etc.) (4 points) They are now. 8 points.

-Does the character have long, silky hair that flows down to the middle of her back or ankles? (2 points) No
...that never gets dirty or tangled in branches? (Add 2 points) No
...that she can leave free without braiding and never have to wash or tend? (Add 2 points) No
...that remains free in the midst of battle? (Add 3 points) No

-Does the hair have some unusual marking, like a white streak that does not follow a scar or multiple colors? (3 points) No

-Does the character's hair get described more often than any other character's? (2 points) Not really. inappropriate times, such as in the midst of battle? (Add 2 points) Maybe. 10 points.

-Does the character's appearance have a "reason" other than you just wanting her to look that way? (Blue eyes to prove that she's the reincarnation of a goddess, white streak to show that she's blessed, etc.) (4 points) Sort of. 14 points.

-Do other characters rhapsodize on about her beauty? (3 points) (Add 2 points if the character is one who wouldn't normally do this, like a taciturn soldier). DEFINITELY not.

-Does she cause dramatic effects with her beauty, such as people fainting or traffic accidents? (5 points) No

-Does she have scars that, no matter how ugly they would probably look in real life, just "add to her attractiveness?" (3 points) No

-Does she have an unusual or symbolically significant marking or birthmark? (3 points) No


-Does your character have: dead parent? (1 point) No
...two dead parents? (2 points) No or two murdered parents? (3 points) (Add 2 points if they were killed in front of her) No
...dead parents who stayed alive long enough to make dramatic death speeches? (3 points) (Add 5 points if they were wounded in the heart or throat) No

Is the character an orphan/foundling/of unknown descent? (2 points) No
...who will dramatically rediscover her heritage? (Add 2 points) No
...who was raised as a peasant but is really a descendant of royalty? (Add 7 points, and I would ask you to please reconsider. Everyone and their mother has done this plotline to death) No

Was her family abusive? (3 points). (Add 2 points for every form of abuse on the list that your character has suffered) Little bit. 17 points.

-Neglect. 19 points.
-Verbal abuse.
-Emotional abuse. 21 points
-Physical abuse. 22 points.
-Sexual abuse.
-Being locked up.
-Being denied food or water.
-Family killed her pet/tore apart her stuffed animal.

Is the character the object of a prophecy? (10 points, and consider that note about reconsidering repeated here) No
...whose coming has been delayed by a sadistic god by "destiny" for several hundred years? (Add 5 points) No

Is the character running away from home? (4 points) Not exactly. 26 points.
...despite knowing diddlysquat about surviving in the world outside? (Add 3 points) eh. 28 points.

Are the bad guys/good guys looking for the character? (3 points) Not at first. 30 points.

Skills and Special Abilities

Each skill from the following list is worth 1 point. If your character can perform the skill perfectly the first time, without any training whatsoever, then each is worth 3 points.

Bare-handed combat. 31 points.
Destructive magic (flinging fireballs and the like). 32 points.
Singing beautifully.
Speaking to animals.
Speaking to gods.
Speaking more than two languages.
Elemental magic.
Mental powers (telepathy, telekinesis).

Is the character the "chosen" of a goddess/prophecy/elemental force/animal/big blue alien from Planet Yarkzarin? (5 points) No.

Does the character manage to do things that would be impossible for anyone else (such as dress as a man when she has big busty breasts, survive falls from tall buildings with all bones intact, walk on a broken leg?) (4 points). No.

Does the character perform magic that most people in your world cannot perform? (2 points) No.

Add one point for every condition that applies to your character's magic.

She can do magic normally reserved for:

People of higher levels of training.
The opposite gender.
Another species. No.
Another type of mage.
People descended from a different bloodline.
The gods.

Is your character THE most powerful/best mage or fighter in the world? (7 points). Haha. No.

Personality and Relationships

These are worth 2 points each.

Does your character have only flaws that:

Are not really flaws, like "too much compassion" or "too much wit?"No.
Do not inconvenience her, like not being able to cook but then never having to cook? No.
Are bad habits, such as biting her nails? No.
Can be airbrushed away at the end of the story, like timidity or arrogance that miraculously vanish? No.

Do your character's flaws and strengths contradict each other? (8 points). (This needs study. How can your character be both charming and socially inept, graceful and clumsy, arrogant and compassionate?) Sort of. 36 points.

Does your character instantly win the trust and affection of all the good characters? (4 points). Pretty much. 39 points.
...alienate/make spiteful or jealous or fearful the bad ones? (Add 3 points). Yep. 42 points.
...make other characters obsess over her even when she's not around? (Add 4 points). Little bit. 44 points.
...completely change another character's personality, such as redeeming a villain, or making the jealous bitch into her worshipper? (Add 5 points). No.

Do the character and her love interest fall in love...

...within a few months? (2 points). No.
...within a week? (4 points). No.
...within a day? (6 points). No. first sight? (8 points). No.

Are they soulmates or reincarnated lovers who have been together before? (10 points).No.

Does the character cause out-of-character reactions in others, such as making the arrogant mage care more about her than his research, or impatient thieves put up with her whining about everything? (6 points). Not really.

Does the character never make:

Big mistakes? (2 points). No.
Small mistakes? (3 points). No.
Factual mistakes? (4 points). No.
Perceptual mistakes? (She knows who's good and who's evil, etc.) (5 points) She can figure this out most of the time. 47 points.

Are the character's perceptions identical with objective reality? (20 points). This is the biggest sign of a Canon Mary Sue. No, she has a tendency to....jump to conclusions.

Is there never any true competition for the main character? (5 points). No.

Is she the only one with any true personality? (7 points) Not at all.

Female Characters Only

Is she a feminist in a world without a feminist movement or tradition? (5 points). No.

Is she persecuted by men just for being a woman? (3 points). Noooo.

Is she a princess? (3 points). No.
...who doesn't want to be a princess? (Add 4 points). No.
...and runs away from home so that her parents will stop making her try to be a lady? (Add 9 points). No.

For Male Characters Only

Do all the women/men love him? (5 points)

Is he a maverick who goes against the authorities but never gets in trouble? (5 points).

Does he brood about things? (2 points)
...that are not his fault? (Add 4 points).
...and the majority of his life is consumed by his angst? (Add 9 points).

Your Relationship To The Character

Do you fantasize about being the character? (3 points) No.
...falling in love with/having sex with her? (4 points) Ick. No.
...falling in love with/having sex with her love interest? (5 points). Maybe. 50 points.

Do you act as the character outside the story (in a character journal, in an RPG, dressing up as her, etc.)? (8 points). Not really.

Do you think the character is above criticism? (8 points). No.

Does the character bear a marked physical resemblance to you? (4 points) Just her face shape, eyebrows, nose, and smile. 52 points.

IS the character you? (15 points). She's me without inhibitions. 59 points.

And tallying it up...59 points. Whee! I made an excellent character.

0-80: Excellent character-building. Go you forth and give the world a good fantasy character.
81-175: Well, she might have some Sueish traits, but as long as you don't get carried away, you've still done well.
176-250: Sue. Go after the points you've probably earned in the personality and skills sections, and try to make others' reactions to her and her own powers a little bit more realistic.
251-299: Um. You can pull this off if you're a really, really good writer. I would advise against it, though.
300+: Completely and utterly Sueish. She needs to be hacked and burned. Or at least get some of those ridiculous cliches chopped off.
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July 17, 2011


Jeffie is getting more domesticated. He let me put a collar on him and he's kept it on so far. Someone was talking about calling animal control, so I'm hoping that will deter them by making them think that he belongs to someone. Which he does...sort of. Anyway, keeping a collar on and letting me rub his belly are good things. They'll make him more adoptable. I just need to take some good pictures...

The apartment...still looks like crap. Maybe I can clean tomorrow. I want it to look homey and wonderful. I want to hang pictures.

I wanted to exercise today, but Mike said no, so...I didn't. He'll be walking around the shop floor a lot tomorrow, so he didn't want to. I guess I might be able to squeeze it in at some point. I hope so, because I do NOT like my belly pudge. That needs to go away, especially before the wedding.

I have this terrible urge to go shopping. But first I really need to clean out my closet because it's full of crap I don't wear. TO GOODWILL!

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May 18, 2011


The End of EvangelionImage via Wikipedia
I keep thinking how incredibly happy I am to actually be using my degree. At this new job, I am so much more involved in the treatment of the kids.

I finished watching Evangelion. I'm not sure what to think yet. I'm still processing it. But I did enjoy it, and I'm glad I've seen it. I feel I have a little more credibility as an anime snob. It's not my favorite series, but I can see why people like it. Also, is there something weird in the DVD menu for Volume 8? Because it's either that or I was hallucinating last night...But I still want to watch End of Evangelion.

....The annoying Mexicans who have taken over my fiance's house are starting to make me hate Spanish. I'm sorry, but it's true. They're loud, nasty liars, and I hate them. My nerves can't take it. And they're taking advantage of him and his Mom and PISSING ME OFF.

So yes, I feel like I'm way more involved in the actual treatment of the kids I am working with now. I get to talk to them daily about their goals, and about the principles we are trying to teach them. I got to talk at length to one girl, H, yesterday about education and she was really excited about it. She said she felt inspired and we talked about different ways she could apply it to her life. I hope I can help her reach her potential.
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May 05, 2011

I write you visions

Image representing MSN as depicted in CrunchBaseImage via CrunchBase
In 2006, I was talking to acoustic by night on MSN about people in exclusive (and excluding) relationships. I was dating a jerk (though I didn't know it at the time) and my friends were slowly inching away from me.
I believed too many lies. My dear little black dog was still alive. I was finding and making a new home, in a new place.
I kept things from people...important things, things that might have saved me. We talked of the difference between like and love.
I found out the jerk I was dating might have a son. That was fun. Then I found out the girl who might be pregnant with his son didn't want anything to do with him. So that was fun too. But I made cd for him for our first anniversary, and wrote him a heartfelt letter.
I was still attending a small Christian liberal-arts college. My friends and I started the joke that I might be a zombie due to my low blood pressure. My best friend was dating, and I was very happy for her. The jerk had constant migraines that terrified me. I was learning (very slowly and with many mistakes) to balance friendships and dating, and Lord of the Rings was the cool new movie. I was still getting over a 4 year unrequited crush. My grades were slowly declining.
To be continued...

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April 28, 2011


MAZAR-E-SHARIF, AFGHANISTAN - OCTOBER 22:   Sa...Image by Getty Images via @daylife

I talked to my brother today. I haven't seen him in six months. I miss him so much. I find it hard to care that he's talking to boys on the internet. I find myself more concerned about the character of his romantic interests than their gender. I also find my lack of caring kind of...confusing. And disconcerting. It's not that I think it's okay. I still retain my personal belief that homosexuality is wrong. And he knows this. He also knows that I love him regardless. I just find it difficult to be incredibly concerned about it among so many other pressing concerns. It's not a high priority.

It was good to see my Mom yesterday too, after such an intense and long week. I felt like a little girl again. I know I've been snappy with her after having such pressure at work, but she's truly been amazing.

I am always confused by cruelty. There are times I think I am too sensitive and fragile for this world. Too weak. There are other times that I feel I am dark and twisted and capable of terrible things. I am quick to condemn. I just don't understand why anyone would want to initiate conflict and pain. I am never afraid to finish anything and can be very aggressive in defending many many things. But I hope I am never the instigator. I hope that I never create sadness and pain where previously there was none.

I'm thinking of trying therapy again. I am functional now, and by psychological standards that means there is nothing wrong with me, per se. But I feel...I could be better. I could be happier, I could be...more efficient and more productive. I need to be fixed. And I want to be. I just need to find a therapist who is better to talk to than a wall. Or the ceiling.

I should be sleeping.

I keep looking at this dress.

I wish someone was online. It's 1:30 but I want to talk to someone. These are the hours that I think. Maybe it's my meds (that I forgot to take today). Maybe I would be more interesting without them. But I wouldn't be more interesting if I were dead, would I? And I don't really want to be dead. I want the chance to continue creating and learning. I want to be a mother and a wife. I want to leave my mark on the world. Whether that mark takes the form of a happy little boy or a beautiful story. Or even just an engineer who thinks a little more highly of himself because of me.
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April 21, 2011

it just takes some time

Wisteria in bloomImage by Rictor Norton & David Allen via Flickr
I'm trying to motivate myself to do tedious and repetitive documentation today. If I don't get it done then I can't transfer to my new job on May 1st. And then I will cry. But it has been a good week. The boys have done well and some have gotten good news about their continuing treatment. We played broom ball, which was awesome. I'm really proud of many of them, and I'm working on ways to get them involved in some sort of charity project. I think it would be great for them.

However, I'm looking forward to the new job, especially not having to drive so much. My stupid employers sent me three hours away at the last minute yesterday, only to find that the client I was supposed to pick up wasn't going to be there. Thanks for that, idiots! Did I mention that I had also been on the clock for twenty hours at this point? That has to be illegal somehow.

Mike and I are planning a date night this weekend. What with getting engaged recently, planning the wedding, and our crazy work schedules, we haven't really had a proper date in a while. I want to go out, but I don't know if either of us will have the energy. We may resort to the old dinner and a movie. I guess that's good enough.

I've been talking to people about sociopathy a lot lately...
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April 01, 2011

under the under

Read some Supernatural fanfic today. Now I'm feeling inspired to write my own story. I just wish I could find a safe community where I could post things and have someone to bounce ideas off. Maybe the TVtropes forums?

I'm tired of driving, but I found out today that I can be home for good on the 27th. Aaah, no more living out of my car and trying not to fall asleep on dark country roads. I can't wait to nest some more! I swear I will finally make my apartment a beautiful homey place. Complete with cat.

I'll be starting my new job on the 27th. I really pray that it's better. I have yet to feel, well, settled in any of the jobs that I've had. However, I do know that I enjoy working with the kids. Maybe this new place will make it easier for me to do that to the best of my ability.

The boy is on his way to pick me up for dinner. We're meeting with both our parents to work out the whole wedding budget thing. I am sooo not feeling up to this tonight. Between the staph infection, the bum knee and just general exhaustion...I just don't think I'll be at my best tonight. At least I'll get to see the boy.
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March 19, 2011

a better life

I went to the spa with my Mom for my birthday. We got manicures, pedicures, and an upper body massage. It was wonderful to spend time with her, and to feel that I am taking care of myself, especially with the toll my job takes on my body. It's good to feel like a woman again. I find myself dabbling in fashion and beauty while at the same time attempting not to be consumed by it.

I bought a new top yesterday...for a special night. It has a blue and white flower print on old china dishes.

Mike and I watched Freakonomics today. I love how it also uses psychology and sociology to examine things such as crime, culture, and corruption. (See what I did there?) I love how Mike and I can have intelligent weaknesses and appreciate the strength's of one another's fields of study. This is how we complement one another. This is how we are stronger together.

We also went to the improv show last night and my suggestion for a location (Farmville) sparked a long internet game themed sketch involving the son of a Farmville farmer who wanted to leave the Farm to work as a Minesweeper. Yes, it was funny. I'm quite proud.

I'm not looking forward to having to leave again for work tonight. But I'm hoping that's going to change soon. I have the possibility for an interview soon and the position would be much closer to home. I want to stick around and play DDR and wear pretty clothes and read and go out with friends more often.

Also, I'm engaged now.
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January 31, 2011

Knowledge in Parts

Greater Tokyo Area is the world's most populou...Image via Wikipedia
I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel which is my student loans. It's good to see, because as soon as they're paid off, I'm going to start saving for my trip to Japan. I still haven't decided whether I want to go to Hokkaido or Tokyo. My BFF Lee and I have wanted to go to Japan together since we were in middle school, so I'm really excited. I just hope I don't look like a gaijin.

I lost the book I was reading, The Ruins. It was about a million times better than the movie, but I was getting kind of bored with it. Still, I'd like to finish it. You know how most horror movies involve 'twenty minutes with jerks'? Well, this was a whole book full of jerks (and idiots), except for the hot German guy.

I miss my kitty. I hate leaving him. He is so happy every time I come home and seems so surprised every time I leave. I can't wait to be able to come home to him every night.

I have completely busted my diet this weekend. OH WELL. I'll get back to it next weekend. I can't during the week since I have to eat camp food. Mike and I will have to come up with something awesome to cook.
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