December 25, 2010

Joy to the World...I suppose

I got to see Gawy last night. That was fun. He accompanied me on my terrifying last-minute Wal-Mart run. I acquired presents (which were well-received) and food for Christmas dinner, including delightful ham! We discussed how spoiled we have become by citylife and how people from our hometown don't even recognize us anymore.

My Mom and I read some of our traditional Christmas story, Holly and Ivy, until I fell asleep. We'll finish it today.

Mike's a bit upset because his mom is inviting 12 virtual strangers who don't speak English to their house for Christmas day. She means well, but in her quest to save the world she doesn't really think about the needs of her family. I'm not sure she even realizes they HAVE needs. Anyway, he mentioned that he can't wait for next year, when we can have our own private family dinner. It made me think about how we might want to do our first Christmas as a couple. I need to make a list. I like lists.
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December 07, 2010

The Infinite Sadness

aug. 2009 Shelter , Tokyo. NYC's finest garage...Image via Wikipedia
I hate it. I hate being a grown-up. I hate having guilt and feeling responsible. I want to say F*ck it and be irresponsible and not care until the bill comes. I want to be proposed to RIGHT NOW. I want to move in with my best friend. I want said best friend to not be four hours away. I want to work odd jobs and not worry about money and live like a hobo. I want to be in a garage band.

What's the plan? Well, having a plan kind of negates the whole bohemian, carefree, irresponsibility thing, doesn't it?

Oh well.

First, look into ways to further my education. Maybe a licensure program that won't require me to go back to school full-time? I really really want to avoid getting my master's if at all possible. I mean, seriously, I'm still paying off student loans.
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November 18, 2010

Doctor, Doctor, give me the news

Bella Swan from Twilight SagaImage by inacentaurdump via Flickr
I'm royally pissed at a certain website for not taking my bank card. When I call them today, they better not tell me it's a problem with my bank, because I've used my card a million other places just fine and they need to get their shite together and stop passing the buck if they want my money.

I've been a bit oversensitive about being...wanted and needed by Mike, due to him doing something that made me extremely paranoid and uncomfortable. I feel like I'm acting like freaking Bella Swan, and I hate it. But at the same time I don't want to be some pitiful naive girl who's getting screwed over while she just...believes what she wants. Either way, I'm a loser and it feels like my heart is in a vise.

Thanksgiving has snuck up on me. I'm pretty nervous about Thanksgiving with my Dad's side of the family. They're good, loving people, but they have no sense of privacy or personal space and they're all loud and ignorant and smell like tobacco. My nerves are going to be shot.
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November 11, 2010

The End of the World as We know It

IMG_8122Image by satanoid via Flickr
Lots of crap has happened lately. Crap that leaves me hopeless. Crap that seems like a big deal. My apartment complex is lying and saying I didn't pay my rent for the past four months. They're summoning me to court and charging me a ridiculous amount of money. I'm in the middle of a lawsuit concerning a place that injured me. My student loans are due. The stupid HR department at my job lost my college transcript and is now threatening to suspend me without pay.

Sounds like suck, doesn't it? But I've decided that it's not the end of the world.

Things that WOULD be the end of the world:

Losing Hiko, my kitty cat
Losing my hair
Losing my mind
Losing my best friend and boyfriend of three years, Mike
Losing my brother
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November 04, 2010

iPod nano (4th generation)Image via Wikipedia
I found out today that my class ring has been shipped back from the warranty department. Since I'm 4+ years out of high school now, it will go right into the fire-safe box, waiting some 20 odd years until little Layla (or perhaps Lucas) starts high school. Then it will belong to them, to guide them through that season.

I downloaded some new songs for my (really really old) Ipod Nano today, including some Sara Groves. I really do wish Apple was more user-friendly though. And it's not just a case of unfamiliarity, since I've been using Itunes for years now. However, it seems that every new edition becomes less intuitive.

It's nice to be home, doing laundry, cuddling the boy, and checking facebook. This job is grueling. I'm afraid that if things don't change soon, I might not be able to handle much more of it. It's just so incredibly screwed up.
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September 20, 2010

Don't drink too much coffee, kids!

SEATTLE - JULY 01:  Japanese tourist Hiroko Uc...Image by Getty Images via @daylife
Written September 1st 2010 at 9:00 pm on a Sushi Party notepad in Starbucks.

She always said that Starbucks sucked, and that local individually owned coffee shops were better. But this is a nice place. It has soft chairs and good music and when I walked in they were talking about Led Zeppelin and The Who and Starcraft.

I love geeks.

Now the music is distracting.

Any tips on keeping up 5k training while working a crazy job in the middle of nowhere and missing your boy like crazy?
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September 13, 2010

A Case of You

So I feel like the worst friend ever. My bestest best friend in the whole wide world, Lee, called me Saturday night while I was at the fair. He left a voice-mail, but I figured he just wanted to chat and I'd call him back later, when I had time to actually chat. Two days later, I finally listened to the voicemail.

Turns out his Grandpa was in the hospital. He was freaking out and crying on the voicemail. In all the 20 years I've known him, I've rarely seen or heard him cry. When my Nanny died, when my friend Zandra ditched me, when I failed a class, he was there for me. He needed me, and I was a lazy, self-centered bitch.

I did finally talk to him today. Everything is more or less okay now. His Grandpa is stable but they might have to do surgery later. I told him I'd go to the hospital with him if he wanted.

I feel like such a worthless human being.

September 03, 2010

Bah Humbug

I love it when things don't work like they're supposed to. Like trying to vacuum out the lint trap and it having no effect whatsoever. And then trying to re-attach the hose attachment to where it's supposed to go and having it just freaking fall off.

Also I am hungry like the wolf.

My hands have weird scars on them. I don't understand why I keep getting hurt in odd ways.

I seriously have to get the Laundry Monster under control. I feel like Lady Gaga except instead of the Fame Monster it is the Laundry Monster. Both of them seem to result in dressing really weird.

Kittyface is being a brat. I don't really understand it. He was really sweet after I had to be gone for two days and his Daddy came to check on him. He even slept with me every night. I think maybe he is picking up on the stress and change in the house and acting out because of that.

Ja Ne.
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July 22, 2010

Zemanta experiment

Health food store cat, May 08Image by mungo181 via Flickr
Kazu is eating cat food loudly. He is annoyed with me right now.
I'm trying to clean the apartment tonight in preparation for the party tomorrow.
I thought about going to get my hair cut tonight, but I won't have time. Sad day.
Tomorrow is casual day at work. I'm pretty sure it's sad that I'm more excited about wearing jeans than about it actually being Friday.
I talked to my Mom about dreams this morning. The poor woman asked one question and I went off on this crazy tangent about REM sleep and depersonalization. She says she doesn't mind, but I know I must be a lot to handle sometimes, especially early in the morning.
We're having a Munchkin party tomorrow. It should be pretty awesome and dorky. I just hope my house looks presentable and that Jim and Linda don't flake ot on us again. They have such a romantic bubble.
I went on another interview today. I've been on so many now that they are all starting to blur together. I really want this one, even if it is in a big scary office building. I just want someone to give me a chance. Once they do, I know I'll be amazing and I can accomplish so much.
I miss Mike a lot. He's had rehearsal every day this week. I will see him tomorrow though. And his first show is next week. I can't wait to see it, I know he'll be hilarious.
...We recently found out that my five year old cousin has Type 1 diabetes. The same thing that killed her grandpa. Her Mom is really scared and I know she is too. I guess it's better to know sooner though and start dealing with it now. I just hope they will take it more seriously than her Grampy ever did.
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Biting the Bullet

So I suppose I do have to bite the bullet and start this blog eventually. I like the autosave feature, by the way. Good job on that one, blogger. I'm also pretty sure I don't even want to know where the phrase 'biting the bullet' comes from. I have my suspicions, by my morbid curiousity is turned off at the moment, so I don't want to know. Please don't tell me in the comments.

I don't feel that I have much of value to say. Or even if it is valuable, I don't feel that I will say it well. This is partially because I am tired and lonely and frustrated and discouraged. It is difficult to form coherent thought. Then again, maybe coherent thought is overrated. Sometimes I think order is overrated. I was arguing with a friend about that general idea earlier this week, though I don't think I made much progress in convincing him of such.

I also feel this way partially because I have a terrible habit of editing myself too much. I do this almost everytime I attempt to be creative, especially in writing. I think I may idolize writing too much. I feel that whatever I put out must be perfect on the first try, and I don't know how to realize what's in my head, so I don't even try. Stupid, I know. I sure do use the phrase 'feel' a lot, don't I? Well, I am an FJ.

Sometimes the best sound in the world is the tiny mew of a cat who has jumped up to lay beside you when you're blogging late at night. These are the things that make me content with my life.

I saw Back to the Future with some friends tonight. It was really nice to see them after a long time apart. We have such busy lives, and sometimes a somewhat unfortunate consequence of the Facebook age is that there are simply too many people that we enjoy and want to stay in touch with. I am always missing someone, always feeling guilty about not having talked to someone in forever. Now I am afraid I may have lost all touch with an old friend because she appears to have deleted her Facebook. I hope the phone number I have for her is still good...

The asters that I planted are doing well. I must remember to water them tomorrow. I forgot to do so today, and it's been sweltering. I would hate for the little sprouts to get struck down before they even have a chance to bloom. My house really needs to be brightened up some, and fall flowers are the perfect thing for it. Fall is my favorite season anyway.

Pictured: Not MY actual asters. Also, I have no bees. Yet.