April 21, 2013


English: Marriage Portrait of a Husband and Wi...
English: Marriage Portrait of a Husband and Wife of the Lossy de Wariné Family, oil on panel painting by Gerard Donck (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I bragged on my husband in church this past Sunday. I was a bit surprised by the reaction, which is not as positive as I might have hoped. As some of you know, I married my college sweetheart a year and five months ago. I feel like it is strange to say this in our culture, but there is honestly nothing I dislike about being married. My husband is truly amazing. If that makes you nauseous, feel free to move on to another blog or perhaps FML.
He is a hard worker who continued to work at a job he disliked in order to provide for us. He insists on carrying the heavier groceries up to our second floor apartment. He is willing to accept disagreement with his decisions, re-evaluate them, and make sure I am at peace with them before we proceed.
His insights often surprise me, such as last night when we were sharing our testimony with some of the church elders. One of them asked my husband to explain the gospel to him as if he was a lost person. When my husband did so, the elder jokingly said, "I'm lost, that sounds crazy!" My husband responded immediately, "It is! It's crazy true!" and I filled with pride.
My husband is up for whatever crazy adventure I concoct. He is patient and selfless and never demanding when it comes to physical affection.

However, as I continue to read more feminist writings, I find an incredibly saddening view of marriage. A few nights ago, a friend I greatly respect linked me to I Want A Wife, an essay by Judy Brady (then Judy Syfers). I found several things about the piece troubling, first of all the assumption that when a couple divorces, the child will, of course, go with the wife. Also, that a man would go looking for another wife so soon, as if she is an appliance to be replaced. The author mentions that she, too, would like a wife.

I warn you that this is my personal perspective and no one else's. Anyway. I thought for a moment. Would I like a wife.


The truth is, I don't particularly like women. I make exceptions, of course, but they are not the species with which I feel most comfortable and relaxed, so frankly, having to live with one 24/7 does not sound appealing. I can barely live with myself. However, Syfers supplies some pretty specific reasons on why she would want a wife. One of those reasons is that she would like to go back to school. Would I like to go back to school? Not really. I mean, if I get the opportunity to do so, that's awesome. I have given some thought to what I might major in if I should go back to school, and even checked out some places nearby that offer what I want, but it's just not really feasible right now. There are other things in my life that are more important and it's not really essential to my happiness or anything. That said, I've been pretty burned out on formal education for a while now and that may have something to do with that. Still, I don't feel like it's not an option for me. I know that if I really wanted and insisted on it that T and I would find a way to make it happen. In fact, when I was in school, he was one of my biggest encouragers, surpassed only by my own Mom. When I didn't want to go to class or do my homework, he was the one who told me I needed to do so, who reminded me of my goals. I have never felt stifled by him at all.
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