February 12, 2014

Checking Boxes

The Church of Saint Simeon Stylites in Aleppo,...
The Church of Saint Simeon Stylites in Aleppo, Syria is considered to be one of the oldest surviving church buildings in the world. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Sometimes I hate church. Most times, really. I guess I'm more damaged than I thought. And I don't feel like this is a safe place to be damaged. And I think it should be. Otherwise, what's the point? For the majority of my life I have felt more safe, loved, and supported by my friends than by anyone in any church, spiritually and otherwise. I felt more encouraged, challenged, and affirmed by a Saturday night conversation with H than by any small group. There is an overwhelming sense that I don't belong here. Even someone who once affirmed my weirdness and outspokenness later treated my honest questions and concerns as flaws and annoyances.

Most days I want to run screaming from church. Or cry in a corner. I feel like there's no point. I feel like no one wants to hear anything I have to say. And if I did say anything they would burn me at the stake.
Enhanced by Zemanta

No comments: